So, driving to supermarket today saw a poster advertising ‘Carpet Whipping’. Nearly drove car off the road craning my neck trying to read it! What the hell kind of new deviant fetish is this?! Obviously my mind went into overdrive…
Do you simply stand whipping a carpet? (Sounds too much like Victorian cleaning for my liking.)
Do you stand whipping a carpet while someone else watches? (No way! If I’m cleaning, you’re helping!)
Does someone else stand whipping a carpet while you watch? (Bloody hell! Can we not just get the vacuum out?)
Does someone else stand whipping you with a carpet? (Won’t that hurt?)
Do you smear whipped cream all over a carpet? (God…there’s no carpet cleaner known to man that’ll get that out…)
Are you duct taped to a carpet? (That’ll play havoc with the fibres.)
Are you tied up with a carpet? (Carpet isn’t actually known for its knot tying prowess.)
Are you rolled up in a carpet? (I’d have a claustrophobic panic attack.)
Do you lie down and get walked over like a carpet? (Errr…I don’t think so mate!)
Do you lie down and get vacuumed like a carpet? (Hahaha! Now you’re just being stupid!)
Do you get dressed up in an outfit made of carpet? (I’m not bloody Lady Gaga!)
Do you simply roll around on a carpet? (Mmmm, slightly more feasible.)
There was steam coming out of my ears by this point, and I’d completely missed my turn off…
Naturally I came home and Googled it. Slightly risky activity considering the way my mind had just been working – especially as I’ve absolutely no idea how to erase my browsing history!!
And the answer??
Carpet Whipping: edging bits of carpet to make mats, rugs or runners.
You can only begin to imagine my disappointment…