Saw this advert in a magazine the other day. Apparently I have a hang-up about my stomach; but I’m not to worry! This company has been working hard on developing innovative technology to make me look like Catherine Zeta-Jones in my bathing costume – PHEW!
So, how does this innovative tummy slimming technology work I hear you ask…
Well, here are my suggestions:
1) You drag your swimming costume up your body – tucking your flab in as you go – and an activated voice tells you to take it off again immediately and replace it with a bin bag to completely cover you up
2) The flab is re-distributed. If my stomach flab is sucked in it can only go to one of two places: under my boobs or around my arse. If it joined forces WITH my boobs I’d be over the moon – for the first time in my life I’d actually have a decent pair of boobs! But UNDER my boobs…not so much. If it settled around my arse that wouldn’t be good either. Kim Kardashian might have a humungous arse, but it’s still pert…if mine became humungous it’d just look like a sack of spuds trying to burst out of a string bag
3) The swimming costume is actually made of well disguised industrial metal and is able to successfully contain the population of a small Caribbean island; so dealing with my stomach flab won’t be an issue. Only problem is I’ll not be able to breathe, and will most likely feel sick – plus my ability to drink a shed load of cocktails by the pool will be seriously diminished
4) The swimming costume is magic, and the minute it comes into contact with my stomach several inches instantly disappear
The thing is ladies…I’m just glad to know that innovative technology is being put to such good use!
It’s great to know that our stomach flab is keeping technologists and/or scientists awake at night!