About Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Sometimes my life is organised, sometimes it's chaos. Sometimes I'm glamorous, sometimes I'm grungy. On occasion I go out in my pyjama top. Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas - a bite-sized, humorous view of middle age!

Beach body ready? What a load of ****!

A funny poem about being beach body ready, by midlife blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasIt’s June at last and summer’s here
My Body’s doing fine.
Not ‘ready’ for the beach I’m told,
But great for sun and wine!

Who told me how I need to look
When laid out on the beach?
Who said my bottom needs to be
Less melon and more peach?

And who said that bikinis were
The fashion for the young?
Is it because my stomach’s flopped,
And boobs aren’t tightly sprung?

I know I’ve got nice lines of blue
Around my legs so white.
And skin that flaps below my arms;
No longer toned and tight.

My body’s aged; it’s seen some life
It’s partied, danced, had fun.
And once a year the beach is where
I go to get some sun.

So no I won’t be at the gym,
And sweating doing weights.
I won’t be trying silly diets
Or shrinking down my plates.

I won’t be ripping out my hair
With tweezers or with wax.
From places where it’s meant to be –
In crevices and cracks.

I won’t be buffing up my skin
To get a sun-kissed glow.
I’m happy with the way it is,
Although it looks like dough!

I won’t be trying to change my thatch
With serums and with creams.
Or trying to get the swishy style
That features in my dreams.

I will however hit the beach
With joy and sass and style.
Accompanied by my family,
A cocktail and a smile!

 

What’s your view on being ‘beach body ready’?

 

I’m in the mood to fumble…

A funny poem about sex from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasJim:
I’m in the mood to fumble, love.
Rose:
Well how can I refuse?
You make it sound so tempting,
But I can’t disturb my snooze.

Jim:
What about a quickie then?
Rose:
Hmm, lovely though that sounds –
I’m off to meet the girls tonight;
It’s quiz night at The Hounds.

Jim:
Slow and sexy love making?
A big romantic sweep?
Rose:
Only problem there Jim is,
You always fall asleep!

Jim:
Well how about a bit of rough,
Laid prone across the table?
Rose:
Where’s your health and safety Jim?
You know the legs aren’t stable!

Jim:
I know! We’ll do it in a field,
A bit of love ‘al fresco’.
Rose:
Good God! I’d rather do it in
The freezer aisle at Tesco!

Jim:
The car then – snuggled in the back?
Rose:
Well now you’ve lost the plot!
My menopausal flushes Jim
Will make the car too hot!

Jim:
The bath? I’ll go and pour it now –
My best idea by miles.
Rose:
Oh no the water might slosh out
And splash the mosaic tiles!

Jim:
The shower then? Yes that will work
Rose:
The cubicle’s too small!
My glasses will get broken with
My face squashed up the wall!

Jim:
Well shall I go and buy some gear,
Some gadgets and some toys?
Rose:
The neighbours will complain though Jim,
Those things make too much noise!

Jim:
Let’s try a new position then
They’re not just for the young.
Rose:
And risk our brand new mattress Jim?
Don’t think it’s that well sprung!

Jim:
So how about some role-play games?
I’ll wear a cape and mask.
Rose:
That’s preferable to last time Jim –
Black stockings and a basque!

Jim:
Right! Sod it! I’m off to the pub!

All hail the Nana Nap!!

A funny poem aboput needing a nap, from humour blogger Midlife dramas in PyjamasIs it wrong to want a nap
And have a little sleep?
Just a quick one – 40 winks
No time to count damned sheep.

I’ve made it half way through the day
A rest is well deserved.
It helps to charge my batteries
And keep me well preserved.

Keep on reading!

And the sandal search begins…!

A funny blog post about buying sandals from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasAnyone else not look forward to sandal shopping?!

It’s not that I’m fussy but…

Can’t do ‘completely flat’ because of knackered arches from years of ballet.

Can’t do ‘barely there strappy’ because of long knobbly feet which would look more at home on a hobbit.

Can’t do ‘ankle straps’ because they don’t hold my feet in place, plus my heels don’t make for pleasant viewing.

Can’t do ‘sling backs’ because the sling back slings off and I end up walking out of them.

Can’t do flip-flops because the toe thong tickles too much – I have a very low tickle threshold.

Oh, and don’t want a pair that says ‘comfy, middle-aged’ or a pair that says ‘stripper’.

Won’t surprise you to hear that I struggle to find any lol!

Let me know of any of your sandal lows…or highs!

Is this all worth it just to not be short?!

A funny poem about wearing high heels, from midlife humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasWhy do women feel the need to walk on tottering heels?
It’s almost like we hate our feet, or that’s the way it feels.
Our body has a bonkers gait
It’s certainly no longer straight,
I’d rather have those shoes with little wheels!

Keep on reading!

There once was a…

I clearly love and enjoy writing poems, so now I’m trying my hand at limericks. Here’s my first one (friends have already asked if it’s autobiographical…😳 🤣)

A funny limerick about a hangover, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Choose Your Knickers Ladies!

A funny poems about women's knickers from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasLet’s talk about our knickers girls,
I really think we should.
We’ll cover all the different types:
The ugly, bad and good.

We’ll start with silly scraps of lace,
That look more like a doyly.
The sort that’s meant to tantalise,
When taken off so slowly.
You know the ones; they itch like mad –
All frilly bits and bows.
Leave them where they do less harm –
In shops, arranged in rows.

Keep on reading!

Are you a hoarder?!

A funny blog post about being a hoarder, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasThe worst hoarder in our house is my hubby. Everything I want to chuck out, he wants to keep…in the garage…just in case.

Just in case what??

Just in case there’s suddenly a national shortage of biscuit tins with damaged lids, empty dried fruit tubs, chunks of polystyrene, dried up tins of paint, bins full of wood and surplus shelf widgets from Ikea furniture??

If there is ever such a shortage, he will most certainly swing into action and save the day.

Until then – chuck it in the @£$%ing bin!!!

Do you live with a hoarder, or are YOU the hoarder?

My five favourite words…

a funny blog posts about the gym from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

My five favourite words of the day:

GYM IS CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT

😆😂😆

No…that’s not me in the picture. If it was, I wouldn’t have to go to the gym in the first place!

And I certainly wouldn’t be jumping around like that – not unless I wanted to pull every muscle in my body, knacker my knees, put my back out, drop my glasses…and bloody wet myself!