Why do women feel the need to walk on tottering heels?
It’s almost like we hate our feet, or that’s the way it feels.
Our body has a bonkers gait
It’s certainly no longer straight,
I’d rather have those shoes with little wheels!
We walk as if we’ve wet ourselves, or like we’ve come by horse
We take our steps so carefully to try to stay on course.
We clench our toes to hold our shoes
For fear one day a shoe we’ll lose,
And sling-backs make the situation worse!
The floor becomes an obstacle, an actual battleground
With smooth and slippy just as bad as rough and harsh, I’ve found.
The worst by far is bumpy cobbles
Sure to cause the teetering wobbles,
Each tiny stone becomes a hellish mound!
And what about the ground that’s soft, let’s talk about the grass
We have to walk on tiptoes; oh the woes of being a lass.
We know that if we lower down
We’ll end up walking like a clown,
Our heels will sink and land us on our ass!
Pavements with their cracks and gaps have simply no respect
They lie in wait to grab our heels, a trap we now expect.
Our heel slips down and with a jolt
Our journey comes straight to a halt,
We wrench it out but it’s completely wrecked!
High heels are meant to make us walk like sexy movie stars
When slinking into nightclubs, pubs and bistros, clubs and bars.
They’re meant to give us swivelling hips
At least until they make us trip,
Then down we go once more upon our arse!
And then there are the silly straps that some shoes seem to sport
Our foot now flaps, our ankle’s loose; there’s simply no support.
There’s nothing there to firmly grip
We all know that our feet will slip,
IS THIS ALL WORTH IT JUST TO NOT BE SHORT?!