About Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Sometimes my life is organised, sometimes it's chaos. Sometimes I'm glamorous, sometimes I'm grungy. On occasion I go out in my pyjama top. Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas - a bite-sized, humorous view of middle age!

An Apology…

Dear Lovely Readers,

I’m taking a break from blogging for a while. Our lovely family cat was killed on the road last week and I’ve completely lost my mojo. I’m still managing to throw memes at Facebook but I’ve de-activated both my Pinterest and Instagram accounts – I can’t bear seeing the photos of him that I’d uploaded there. Twitter hasn’t held my interest for a while as I’m fed up of being followed by bots selling baby clothes, toys, weaning products and cracked nipple cream!! I’m 51 FFS!!

Anyway…look after yourselves, I’ll be back soon, and keep blogging.

xxx

 

 

The BIG Clean Up After Christmas!

A funny blog post about cleaning nup after Christmas, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

The big clean up after Christmas should take me, at most, a morning. How long does it usually take me? A full day.

Why? Because every time I go into a bedroom to clean it, I have to flop onto the bed and have a loll while I’m there.

It’s not a choice – it’s a fundamental necessity. I have tried resisting the urge, but what harm am I doing?

So yesterday…I’d been into the kids’ rooms, flopped onto their beds, lolled on my back, gazed up at the ceiling for a bit then got up and carried on with the cleaning. So far so good.

Then I went into our room…

Once I’d flopped onto the bed I suddenly realised I actually felt rather tired, so I turned over – quite happily – to have a snooze. Quite happily that is until my post-Christmas stomach flopped over with me, slapped itself onto the mattress, poked itself out from under my pyjama top and requested that I move up as it didn’t have enough room!

I quickly got up, tucked my stomach back into my pyjama bottoms, glared at the bed, decided that I was far too busy to loll then harrumphed out of the room – dragging my feather duster, polish, vacuum cleaner and out of control midriff with me!!

(On the upside, the BIG CLEAN UP AFTER CHRISTMAS only took me a morning this year!!)

Why don’t you pop over to my Facebook page HERE for extra midlife malarkey… 😉

The 12 Days of Midlife!

A funny version of the 12 Days of Christmas, by humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasOn the first day of midlife my body gave to me – a bumper pack of Tena La-dy

(we should get these free on the NHS you know)

On the second day of midlife my body gave to me – 2 painful boobs

(don’t hug me, don’t touch me, don’t come anywhere near me)

On the third day of midlife my body gave to me – 3 wobbly arms

(seriously, it’s like bloody jelly)

On the fourth day of midlife my body gave to me – 4 tubes of lube

(If you have to ask what it’s for you’re not middle-aged yet)

On the fifth day of midlife my body gave to me – 5…whis…kery….chins

(I’m seriously going to have to start shaving)

On the sixth day of midlife my body gave to me – 6 murderous thoughts

(nobody is safe I tell you…NOBODY)

On the seventh day of midlife my body gave to me – 7 varicose veins

(Yes and they’re ALL on the same leg)

On the eighth day of midlife my body gave to me – dry frizzy hair

(the number 8 doesn’t fit – don’t be picky)

On the ninth day of midlife my body gave to me – 9 flabby bellies

(dear god in heaven – when is that going to go?)

On the tenth day of midlife my body gave to me – 10 sleepless nights

(I now make the walking dead look good)

On the eleventh day of midlife my body gave to me – 11 flaming flushes

(somebody clearly took me seriously when I said I wanted to be ‘hot’ after 50)

On the twelfth day of midlife my body gave to me…sorry, what was I saying?

(Do I know you?)

Oh yes…On the twelfth day of midlife my body gave to me:

12 something or others
11 flaming flushes
10 sleepless nights
9 flabby bellies
dry frizzy hair
7 varicose veins
6 murderous thoughts

5 whis…kery… chins….

4 tubes of lube
3 wobbly arms
2 painful boobs
and a bumper pack of Tena La-dy!!!

HAPPY MIDLIFE CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

SEE YOU IN THE NEW YEAR FOR MORE MIDLIFE MALARKEY! 🙂