Choose Your Knickers Ladies!

A funny poems about women's knickers from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasLet’s talk about our knickers girls,
I really think we should.
We’ll cover all the different types:
The ugly, bad and good.

We’ll start with silly scraps of lace,
That look more like a doyly.
The sort that’s meant to tantalise,
When taken off so slowly.
You know the ones; they itch like mad –
All frilly bits and bows.
Leave them where they do less harm –
In shops, arranged in rows.

And while we’re in the area,
Of underwear that’s wrong,
The next offender, please step up –
The bloody awful thong!
I feel our bum cheeks need to be
Contained and wrapped up tight.
Not there to see through trousers,
Bumps and lumps and cellulite!

And as for silly G-Strings,
Someone tell me, what the hell?
A bit of string rammed up your bum?
That surely won’t end well!
French knickers, what’s that all about?
They’re meant to look all naughty.
But we all know that actually,
They’re flappy, loose and draughty!

Hipster and bikini briefs –
Now this type makes me frown.
They sit below your stomach,
And your flab then rolls them down!
High cut briefs cause fat to sit,
Below your knicker line.
No wonder that we’ve had to turn
To vodka, gin and wine!

So what about ‘control’ dear friends –
The ‘suck it all in’ knicker.
Designed to make our tum look thin,
Yet other bits look thicker!
These pants are like elastic bands,
They pull it all in tight.
But where does all that fat end up?
It’s not a pretty sight.

Basically the fat is pushed
Above the straining band.
You end up with an extra roll;
Your under rib expands.
Don’t try to eat, don’t try to drink,
Don’t even try to sit.
In fact you’re best not trying to move,
In case your knickers split!

Trying to get them on is the
Olympics at their best.
A medal would be well deserved,
For simply getting dressed.
And don’t begin to ever think,
You’ll get them off no worry.
You need a wee? There’s just no way,
They’ll come off in a hurry.

Well girls, what’s left for us to wear –
Which knickers should we buy?
My favourite is the full cut brief,
It’s classic and here’s why –

The waist band comes up all the way,
Above your flab and fat.
They don’t make claims to change your shape,
Or squash your stomach flat.
They let you breathe; they don’t roll down,
Or cut your bum in two.
They do not itch, or flap around –
They’re solid through and through.

So what’s the style that’s right for you?
Please let me know your views.
It’s your turn girls; I’d love to know,
The knickers that you choose!

The BIG Clean Up After Christmas!

A funny blog post about cleaning nup after Christmas, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

The big clean up after Christmas should take me, at most, a morning. How long does it usually take me? A full day.

Why? Because every time I go into a bedroom to clean it, I have to flop onto the bed and have a loll while I’m there. Keep on reading!!

The 12 Days of Midlife!

A funny version of the 12 Days of Christmas, by humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasOn the first day of midlife my body gave to me – a bumper pack of Tena La-dy

(we should get these free on the NHS you know) Keep on Reading!

Know What I MEME? – Midlife Malarkey Part 2

So…here is part 2 of my MEMES about midlife. These cover being middle-aged in general, fashion (I use the word in its loosest sense), the menopause and the usual midlife nonsense.

Apologies if you follow me on Facebook and have already seen these. But I doubt you have – at least not every one of them. It all depends on whether your face fits, if you’re in favour, if it’s a slow day for the algorithms, if you’ve made enough comments on my previous posts and if there’s a ‘z’ in the day!

There are an awful lot of ‘ifs’ there!

Enjoy!

A funny MEME about the menopause, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about middle-age, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about midlife from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about hairstyles from midlife blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about the menopause from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about middle-age from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about middle-age from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about being forgetfull from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!

Here’s the second poem I’ve written from my poetry challenge. The topic suggested was ‘prickly facial hair’ from Kooky Chic

Enjoy!

A funny poem about body hair, from midlife humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Please tell me why in middle-age
My hairs have reached a bonkers stage?
The ones up top are falling out,
From stranger places they now sprout.

Keep on reading!

Know What I MEME? – Midlife Malarkey Part 1

Funny MEMES about midlife from the humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasHere is part 1 of my MEMES about midlife. I love making MEMES; random thoughts constantly pop into my head when I least expect it. I can often be found walking/driving around talking – or indeed laughing – to myself.

I think my sense of humour is great – obviously because it’s mine – I just hope you lovely followers think it’s great too lol! (Yes I know using ‘lol’ shows my age. I’ve been told by my teens many times that I’m sad, but hey, I don’t care. I like it. Especially now I know it doesn’t really mean ‘lots of love’. I spent a long time thinking that texts from the builder were rather inappropriate – until I had this explained to me. Turned out that “Your pipework needs attention too lol!” wasn’t actually a sexual innuendo offering me an illicit seeing to in the back of his van!) Keep on reading!

Dear Bladder…

Dear Bladder... 2

I’d like to take my body back,
Relinquish your control.
To pick the times I want to pee,
Well, that’s my desperate goal.

You seem to choose the worst of times
To make your presence known.
Dancing, sneezing, laughing and
Wet pants will send me home.

Keep on reading!