The BIG Clean Up After Christmas!

A funny blog post about cleaning nup after Christmas, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

The big clean up after Christmas should take me, at most, a morning. How long does it usually take me? A full day.

Why? Because every time I go into a bedroom to clean it, I have to flop onto the bed and have a loll while I’m there.

It’s not a choice – it’s a fundamental necessity. I have tried resisting the urge, but what harm am I doing?

So yesterday…I’d been into the kids’ rooms, flopped onto their beds, lolled on my back, gazed up at the ceiling for a bit then got up and carried on with the cleaning. So far so good.

Then I went into our room…

Once I’d flopped onto the bed I suddenly realised I actually felt rather tired, so I turned over – quite happily – to have a snooze. Quite happily that is until my post-Christmas stomach flopped over with me, slapped itself onto the mattress, poked itself out from under my pyjama top and requested that I move up as it didn’t have enough room!

I quickly got up, tucked my stomach back into my pyjama bottoms, glared at the bed, decided that I was far too busy to loll then harrumphed out of the room – dragging my feather duster, polish, vacuum cleaner and out of control midriff with me!!

(On the upside, the BIG CLEAN UP AFTER CHRISTMAS only took me a morning this year!!)

Why don’t you pop over to my Facebook page HERE for extra midlife malarkey… 😉

The 12 Days of Midlife!

A funny version of the 12 Days of Christmas, by humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasOn the first day of midlife my body gave to me – a bumper pack of Tena La-dy

(we should get these free on the NHS you know)

On the second day of midlife my body gave to me – 2 painful boobs

(don’t hug me, don’t touch me, don’t come anywhere near me)

On the third day of midlife my body gave to me – 3 wobbly arms

(seriously, it’s like bloody jelly)

On the fourth day of midlife my body gave to me – 4 tubes of lube

(If you have to ask what it’s for you’re not middle-aged yet)

On the fifth day of midlife my body gave to me – 5…whis…kery….chins

(I’m seriously going to have to start shaving)

On the sixth day of midlife my body gave to me – 6 murderous thoughts

(nobody is safe I tell you…NOBODY)

On the seventh day of midlife my body gave to me – 7 varicose veins

(Yes and they’re ALL on the same leg)

On the eighth day of midlife my body gave to me – dry frizzy hair

(the number 8 doesn’t fit – don’t be picky)

On the ninth day of midlife my body gave to me – 9 flabby bellies

(dear god in heaven – when is that going to go?)

On the tenth day of midlife my body gave to me – 10 sleepless nights

(I now make the walking dead look good)

On the eleventh day of midlife my body gave to me – 11 flaming flushes

(somebody clearly took me seriously when I said I wanted to be ‘hot’ after 50)

On the twelfth day of midlife my body gave to me…sorry, what was I saying?

(Do I know you?)

Oh yes…On the twelfth day of midlife my body gave to me:

12 something or others
11 flaming flushes
10 sleepless nights
9 flabby bellies
dry frizzy hair
7 varicose veins
6 murderous thoughts

5 whis…kery… chins….

4 tubes of lube
3 wobbly arms
2 painful boobs
and a bumper pack of Tena La-dy!!!

HAPPY MIDLIFE CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

SEE YOU IN THE NEW YEAR FOR MORE MIDLIFE MALARKEY! 🙂

Know What I MEME? – Midlife Malarkey Part 2

So…here is part 2 of my MEMES about midlife. These cover being middle-aged in general, fashion (I use the word in its loosest sense), the menopause and the usual midlife nonsense.

Apologies if you follow me on Facebook and have already seen these. But I doubt you have – at least not every one of them. It all depends on whether your face fits, if you’re in favour, if it’s a slow day for the algorithms, if you’ve made enough comments on my previous posts and if there’s a ‘z’ in the day!

There are an awful lot of ‘ifs’ there!

Enjoy!

A funny MEME about the menopause, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about middle-age, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about midlife from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about hairstyles from midlife blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about the menopause from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about middle-age from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about middle-age from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

A funny MEME about being forgetfull from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!

Here’s the second poem I’ve written from my poetry challenge. The topic suggested was ‘prickly facial hair’ from Kooky Chic

Enjoy!

A funny poem about body hair, from midlife humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Please tell me why in middle-age
My hairs have reached a bonkers stage?
The ones up top are falling out,
From stranger places they now sprout.

Keep on reading!

Know What I MEME? – Midlife Malarkey Part 1

Funny MEMES about midlife from the humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasHere is part 1 of my MEMES about midlife. I love making MEMES; random thoughts constantly pop into my head when I least expect it. I can often be found walking/driving around talking – or indeed laughing – to myself.

I think my sense of humour is great – obviously because it’s mine – I just hope you lovely followers think it’s great too lol! (Yes I know using ‘lol’ shows my age. I’ve been told by my teens many times that I’m sad, but hey, I don’t care. I like it. Especially now I know it doesn’t really mean ‘lots of love’. I spent a long time thinking that texts from the builder were rather inappropriate – until I had this explained to me. Turned out that “Your pipework needs attention too lol!” wasn’t actually a sexual innuendo offering me an illicit seeing to in the back of his van!) Keep on reading!

Dear Bladder…

Dear Bladder... 2

I’d like to take my body back,
Relinquish your control.
To pick the times I want to pee,
Well, that’s my desperate goal.

You seem to choose the worst of times
To make your presence known.
Dancing, sneezing, laughing and
Wet pants will send me home.

Keep on reading!

Mother Nature…WHAT THE HELL?!

A fuuny blog post about peeing outside, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasMother Nature really cocked up when she designed our lady bits.

If caught short outside, a man can stand and aim his wee at something the size of a coin; with no more prep needed than unzipping his flies.

A woman – on the other hand – has to: Keep on reading!