I Dreamed a Dream…

A funny blog post about wanting peace and quiet, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasHusband was out for the day on Sunday, so I had sheer joy of going to watch two football matches back to back. Yay…

Came back exhausted. Amazing how standing at the side of a pitch doing nothing completely tires you out. Maybe it’s having to make idle chit-chat with parents you’re only on nodding terms with. I could’ve just stood next to them in silence, but we all know that’s impossible for a woman.

On return home decided I deserved a large gin & tonic in the back garden – sun was out so it would’ve been rude not to. I was going to wear my sunglasses, read my book, chill out and enjoy a bit of peace & quiet. For half an hour. That’s all. Keep on reading!

You look away – No, you look away!

Funny blog post from Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas about being out-stared by a catWas working at computer today when suddenly had eerie feeling I was being watched; slightly unnerving as teenagers were at school and husband was at work.  Keep on reading!

Dinner is served, Madam!

A funny blog post about a cat wanting to be fed, by Midlife Dramas in PyjamasCleaned house then tried to leave to meet friend for lunch. I say ‘tried’ because just as I was nearing the door handle cantankerous cat threw herself on the floor in front of me, and meowed pityingly.

I attempted to step over her, at which point she jumped up, tangled herself round my legs, pinned back her ears, lunged and tripped me up.

She sat up, looked down her nose, and let me know (in no uncertain terms) that I wasn’t getting out of the house without feeding her. For an old cat she’s got an alarmingly aggressive meow when she needs it. So, I dutifully went back into the kitchen – muttering about owning a cantankerous cat.

Glanced at her food bowl – half full. Well, full around the edges but empty in the middle. That’s her definition of an empty bowl. I looked down at her. She looked up at me. I was now late. Inspiration hit. She glared at me – if she’d had opposable thumbs she’d have been clicking them by now. I grinned at her.

I got a fork, went to her bowl, pushed all the food from the edges into the middle and stood back. She went over to it, stuck her nose in, sniffed and looked back at me with an expression that clearly said ‘Really? I think you’ll find I ordered fresh food, and pushing the old stuff around with a fork just ain’t gonna cut it!’

I trundled into the utility room, fetched a new pouch of food, got out a clean dish and served madam her fresh meal. She walked past me, head held high and tail aloft, looking like the cat that’s got the cream. Or in her case, the cat that’s got a worryingly firm grip on the two-legged saps she lives with…

Would this suit Madam?

A funny blog post about a cat and a water fountain, from Midlife Dramas in PyjamasTook cantankerous cat to the vet for her monthly pedicure. She doesn’t go outside to climb trees anymore, which would keep her claws trimmed. She only goes outside to sunbathe. Bit like an aged aunt – but instead of sitting under a parasol covered with a blanket, she sits under a bush covered with bark chippings.

While there, thought I’d ask if he had any idea why she’s started sticking her paw into the water bowl and pulling it around the room. Once she’s crashed it into her food bowl, created a tidal wave across the floor and paddled around in it a bit, she eventually has a drink.

According to the vet it’s because static water smells funny and moving water doesn’t. Right. The smell of ‘static’ water hasn’t bothered her for the last 19 years. Now she’s 20, suddenly it does.

His explanation? She’s an old lady.

My explanation? She’s a cantankerous cat.

His solution? Buy a luxury cat water fountain to provide her with a constant stream of moving water.

My solution? Buy an industrial sized pack of ultra absorbent kitchen roll…

Race from the vet!

A funny blog post about a trip to the vet, from Midlife Dramas in PyjamasWe have a cat we all adore. She’s cantankerous; she shouts at us a lot.

Took her to vet for annual vaccine. Never fails to amaze when she clings to the inside of the cat box and refuses to come out, even when I tip it up and down vertically.

Had vaccine no problem, then practically dived back into cat box and closed the door behind her. I paid and the countdown began. I now had a race to get home before she urinated, defecated or projectile vomited through the wire door of her box. I had all the car windows open to keep her cool, and talked to her soothingly (and somewhat frantically) all the way home.

High on elation I pulled onto the drive; she seemed to have kept all bodily fluids inside her – and then I heard it. The unmistakable sound of cat wretching, the equally unmistakable sound of cat urine hitting the newspaper and then I smelt it.

Oh yes – a full house. Thanks.