The BIG Clean Up After Christmas!

A funny blog post about cleaning nup after Christmas, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

The big clean up after Christmas should take me, at most, a morning. How long does it usually take me? A full day.

Why? Because every time I go into a bedroom to clean it, I have to flop onto the bed and have a loll while I’m there.

It’s not a choice – it’s a fundamental necessity. I have tried resisting the urge, but what harm am I doing?

So yesterday…I’d been into the kids’ rooms, flopped onto their beds, lolled on my back, gazed up at the ceiling for a bit then got up and carried on with the cleaning. So far so good.

Then I went into our room…

Once I’d flopped onto the bed I suddenly realised I actually felt rather tired, so I turned over – quite happily – to have a snooze. Quite happily that is until my post-Christmas stomach flopped over with me, slapped itself onto the mattress, poked itself out from under my pyjama top and requested that I move up as it didn’t have enough room!

I quickly got up, tucked my stomach back into my pyjama bottoms, glared at the bed, decided that I was far too busy to loll then harrumphed out of the room – dragging my feather duster, polish, vacuum cleaner and out of control midriff with me!!

(On the upside, the BIG CLEAN UP AFTER CHRISTMAS only took me a morning this year!!)

Why don’t you pop over to my Facebook page HERE for extra midlife malarkey… 😉

The 12 Days of Midlife!

A funny version of the 12 Days of Christmas, by humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasOn the first day of midlife my body gave to me – a bumper pack of Tena La-dy

(we should get these free on the NHS you know)

On the second day of midlife my body gave to me – 2 painful boobs

(don’t hug me, don’t touch me, don’t come anywhere near me)

On the third day of midlife my body gave to me – 3 wobbly arms

(seriously, it’s like bloody jelly)

On the fourth day of midlife my body gave to me – 4 tubes of lube

(If you have to ask what it’s for you’re not middle-aged yet)

On the fifth day of midlife my body gave to me – 5…whis…kery….chins

(I’m seriously going to have to start shaving)

On the sixth day of midlife my body gave to me – 6 murderous thoughts

(nobody is safe I tell you…NOBODY)

On the seventh day of midlife my body gave to me – 7 varicose veins

(Yes and they’re ALL on the same leg)

On the eighth day of midlife my body gave to me – dry frizzy hair

(the number 8 doesn’t fit – don’t be picky)

On the ninth day of midlife my body gave to me – 9 flabby bellies

(dear god in heaven – when is that going to go?)

On the tenth day of midlife my body gave to me – 10 sleepless nights

(I now make the walking dead look good)

On the eleventh day of midlife my body gave to me – 11 flaming flushes

(somebody clearly took me seriously when I said I wanted to be ‘hot’ after 50)

On the twelfth day of midlife my body gave to me…sorry, what was I saying?

(Do I know you?)

Oh yes…On the twelfth day of midlife my body gave to me:

12 something or others
11 flaming flushes
10 sleepless nights
9 flabby bellies
dry frizzy hair
7 varicose veins
6 murderous thoughts

5 whis…kery… chins….

4 tubes of lube
3 wobbly arms
2 painful boobs
and a bumper pack of Tena La-dy!!!

HAPPY MIDLIFE CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

SEE YOU IN THE NEW YEAR FOR MORE MIDLIFE MALARKEY! 🙂