Eldest asked if his girlfriend could join us for the evening meal. We were having chilli – not a meal I’d have chosen; doesn’t really show off my culinary skills. I feel it’s important to let girlfriends know what standards my boys are used to at meal times – and it’s NOT ‘pop, pop, ping’! Keep on reading!
Youngest son’s football team had a ‘Fun Day’ last weekend, so we loyally went along. As predicted the only fun was had by our son; trying to see how much money he could get out of us – for him and his friend to
waste spend on ‘fun’.
The tiniest burgers inside the hugest buns were forced down by the four of us, extortionately expensive (and not that pleasant) cupcakes were purchased by me and a completely ridiculous amount of tombola tickets were bought by the boys. The lure of possibly winning a bottle of shampoo, a tiny bar of chocolate, a crocheted toilet roll cover, a plastic mug with a picture of flowers on it or a toddler’s colouring book was obviously too great. Keep on reading!
Went out for a walk and snack lunch, with hubby and one of the teens. Turned out to be one of the worst lunches I’ve ever had. Nothing to do with the company – they were lovely. But typically British.
Ordered a goat’s cheese and tomato toastie – Oh. My. God. It arrived looking like a limp, pathetic, anaemic rag. I opened it up – it wasn’t even sealed – and couldn’t believe what I was looking at. Very little I tell you! Very little! I immediately had three issues with said ‘toastie’. Keep on reading!
Finally managed to talk husband into buying new jeans. He’s only had the last lot for 10 years…so actually I’ve done quite well getting him to agree to a wardrobe update so soon! He declared he needed a couple of pairs in total. I declared he needed a few pairs for ‘every day’ and a few pairs for ‘going out’. Eyes were rolled… Keep on reading!
I’ll help you love, you know I will
It’s what I always do.
We both know I’ll be writing it,
With little work from you.
Keep on reading!
First day back at school. Was wet and windy so took pity on the teenagers and gave them a lift. Picked up eldest’s friend on the way.
Stopped at junction and waited. Eventually an oncoming driver slowed to let me join the flow of traffic. As I pulled out I turned to eldest in the passenger seat, gesticulated towards the guy who’d let me out, and said, “Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.”
Eldest was absolutely MORTIFIED. Keep on reading!
So which misinformed, delusional and frankly bonkers person thought that creating this funny little bottle of wine would be a good idea? 187ml? 187ML?? What the hell use is 187ml? That’s just one glass of wine! Who on earth drinks only ONE glass of wine??
Maybe it’s handy for cooking… Ridiculous! I always buy a normal sized bottle for cooking… Use 100ml in the recipe then drink the other 650ml while opening and closing the oven door a few times; for added effect I wear an apron, strut around with a wooden spoon and occasionally shout out words like saute, simmer and stir-fry.
Well it would be rude to leave an unfinished bottle of wine lying around…unfinished bottle of wine?? Seriously?? Is that actually a thing??
So why did I buy this little bottle? Why indeed. In a misplaced, self-righteous moment of trying to be good, healthy and treat my body like a temple *snorts with laughter* I bought it because I only needed a small amount of wine in the cooking…
I’ve now had to open a normal sized bottle because what was left in this funny little thing, after I’d poured some into the frying pan, just wasn’t going to cut it.
Amusing conversation this morning:
Teenager (heading towards the front door): What’s for tonight’s meal?
Me (waving goodbye from the kitchen): Vegetable curry.
Teenager (swivelling round and hurtling back down the hall with alarming speed): Vegetable curry? VEGETABLE curry? Why are we having vegetable curry?
Me (wiping the table, head down hiding the smile): Because it’s not good to eat meat every day. It’s good to have just vegetables occasionally.
Teenager (starting to panic): So is it curry with JUST vegetables? Literally JUST vegetables? No meat AT ALL?
Me (smiling openly): Correct.
Teenager (using dramatic hand gestures and pacing around the kitchen): But we have vegetables WITH meals EVERY day. We don’t need a meal of JUST vegetables!
Me (walking into the utility room): Our bodies need a rest from digesting meat every day.
Teenager (following, voice rising): Who told you that?? Is that some kind of warped joke? Please put some meat in it. I can’t believe it, that’ll be horrible! It can’t just have vegetables in it. I’m not eating it. You can’t make me eat it. You can eat it. It’ll be disgusting mind. I’ll make something else for my meal…blah blah blah
Me (emptying the washer, glancing over my shoulder): I’m sorry, are you still talking? Darling, you need to go or you’ll be late for school.
Teenager (wild-eyed and stomping back to the front door): I can’t believe it! Why would you do this to me? It’s just not right. It’s…(leaving the house, with a little help from me)
Me (closing the door): Bye sweetheart. Have a nice day.
Headed upstairs, musing about tonight’s meal – Maybe I should present it as a picture, like I used to when they were little: The Mona Lisa Madras, The Poppy Field Pasanda or maybe The Sunflowers Sag Aloo? *laughed to self and tutted* Unfortunately my skills in the field of art are as advanced as my tolerance in the field of pandering to fussy teenagers. So my efforts would end up more like a Masala Mush, a Balti Blob or – if they’re really lucky – a Dhansak Dollop.
Came back downstairs, made a cup of coffee, switched on computer and typed into Google – ‘Vegetable meals with no meat in them WHATSOEVER…’