It’s in the jeans…

A funny blog post about shopping for jeans with the hubby by Midlife Dramas in PyjamasFinally managed to talk husband into buying new jeans. He’s only had the last lot for 10 years…so actually I’ve done quite well getting him to agree to a wardrobe update so soon! He declared he needed a couple of pairs in total. I declared he needed a few pairs for ‘every day’ and a few pairs for ‘going out’. Eyes were rolled…

I hit the shopping centre with a look of steel in my eyes. He hit the shopping centre with a look of fear in his eyes. Knew there was limited time before he refused to drop his trousers anymore, so quickly headed to first shop. Husband veered towards comfort fit, I veered towards slim fit. A stalemate – we compromised and met at straight fit.

I selected several in the same size…but different brands. He selected one and declared that all jeans of the same size would fit the same…regardless of brand. Oh dear, how little he knows about clothes shopping. I managed to force another pair into his hands, as he rushed passed me into the changing rooms with his solitary pair.

So – two pairs of the same size, but different brands, had made it in. First pair made him speak with a squeaky voice, second pair needed braces to keep them up. My point was made. He agreed to try on all of my selection…

ONE pair out of the six he’d taken in was deemed acceptable – by me. Left to his own devices he’d have bought the first pair that vaguely fitted, then legged it.

Went on to next – and final – shop; remember there’s a very small window of opportunity before boredom sets in.  However,  something strange seemed to happen between first and second shop – husband suddenly got into swing of things and started picking up jeans with gay abandon. AND willingly trying them all on. AND announcing he wanted to buy them…ALL!

We staggered to the till and watched helplessly as the young shop assistant scrunched them up and forced them into a bag far too small. The restraint on my part required not to pull them all out and re-pack them was immeasurable. I waited until we’d walked away from the till – then did it.

So, a successful outcome all round. A wardrobe brimming with up-to-date jeans.

Now all I need to do is persuade him to throw out all the old ones…

“Smile and wave boys…”

A funny poem about helping the teenager with homework from Midlife Dramas in PyjamasFirst day back at school. Was wet and windy so took pity on the teenagers and gave them a lift. Picked up eldest’s friend on the way.

Stopped at junction and waited. Eventually an oncoming driver slowed to let me join the flow of traffic. As I pulled out I turned to eldest in the passenger seat, gesticulated towards the guy who’d let me out, and said, “Smile and wave boys, smile and wave.”

Eldest was absolutely MORTIFIED. Keep on reading!

Unfinished bottle of wine??!!

wine-bottlesSo which misinformed, delusional and frankly bonkers person thought that creating this funny little bottle of wine would be a good idea? 187ml? 187ML?? What the hell use is 187ml? That’s just one glass of wine! Who on earth drinks only ONE glass of wine??

Maybe it’s handy for cooking… Ridiculous! I always buy a normal sized bottle for cooking… Use 100ml in the recipe then drink the other 650ml while opening and closing the oven door a few times; for added effect I wear an apron, strut around with a wooden spoon and occasionally shout out words like saute, simmer and stir-fry.

Well it would be rude to leave an unfinished bottle of wine lying around…unfinished bottle of wine?? Seriously?? Is that actually a thing??

So why did I buy this little bottle? Why indeed. In a misplaced, self-righteous moment of trying to be good, healthy and treat my body like a temple *snorts with laughter* I bought it because I only needed a small amount of wine in the cooking…

I’ve now had to open a normal sized bottle because what was left in this funny little thing, after I’d poured some into the frying pan, just wasn’t going to cut it.

Cheers!

“VEG OUT!”

vegAmusing conversation this morning:

Teenager (heading towards the front door): What’s for tonight’s meal?

Me (waving goodbye from the kitchen): Vegetable curry.

Teenager (swivelling round and hurtling back down the hall with alarming speed): Vegetable curry? VEGETABLE curry? Why are we having vegetable curry?

Me (wiping the table, head down hiding the smile): Because it’s not good to eat meat every day. It’s good to have just vegetables occasionally.

Teenager (starting to panic): So is it curry with JUST vegetables? Literally JUST vegetables? No meat AT ALL?

Me (smiling openly): Correct.

Teenager (using dramatic hand gestures and pacing around the kitchen): But we have vegetables WITH meals EVERY day. We don’t need a meal of JUST vegetables!

Me (walking into the utility room): Our bodies need a rest from digesting meat every day.

Teenager (following, voice rising): Who told you that?? Is that some kind of warped joke? Please put some meat in it. I can’t believe it, that’ll be horrible! It can’t just have vegetables in it. I’m not eating it. You can’t make me eat it. You can eat it. It’ll be disgusting mind. I’ll make something else for my meal…blah blah blah

Me (emptying the washer, glancing over my shoulder): I’m sorry, are you still talking? Darling, you need to go or you’ll be late for school.

Teenager (wild-eyed and stomping back to the front door): I can’t believe it! Why would you do this to me? It’s just not right. It’s…(leaving the house, with a little help from me)

Me (closing the door): Bye sweetheart. Have a nice day.

Headed upstairs, musing about tonight’s meal – Maybe I should present it as a picture, like I used to when they were little: The Mona Lisa Madras, The Poppy Field Pasanda or maybe The Sunflowers Sag Aloo? *laughed to self and tutted* Unfortunately my skills in the field of art are as advanced as my tolerance in the field of pandering to fussy teenagers. So my efforts would end up more like a Masala Mush, a Balti Blob or – if they’re really lucky – a Dhansak Dollop.

Came back downstairs, made a cup of coffee, switched on computer and typed into Google – ‘Vegetable meals with no meat in them WHATSOEVER…’