“You want me to pee – in that??”

A funny blog post from Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas about providing a sample or the DRWent to doctors. After the initial chit-chat he told me I needed to provide a wee sample, so handed me the tiniest pot he could find and directed me to the toilets. The ‘bottle’ you’re expected to pee in is clearly some kind of joke, which no doubt provided hours of entertainment for the man that designed it. Keep on reading!

OCD Alert!

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Sometimes my OCD sits quietly at the back of my mind with its feet up, drinking a cuppa and reading Hello! magazine. At other times it comes rampaging to the front, waves its arms around in the air like a lunatic and jumps up and down like the Chuckle Brothers on speed.

Today I went to the library; it made an appearance and completely embarrassed me – again.

*for any youths reading this who don’t know what a library is, it’s a place where they stored books for you to borrow. Just imagine that! We actually used to flick real pages instead of flicking a screen. Who knew?*

On stopping the car – in theory – I click the steering wheel into the locked position, put it into gear and check the handbrake is on. Easy? No. In reality I jiggle the steering wheel left and right several times to make sure it’s clicked locked, waggle the gear stick forwards and backwards to within an inch of its life before slipping it into gear, then nearly wrench the handbrake off its fixings to check it’s on – several times.

So engrossed in this activity, I was completely oblivious to a man standing on the footpath, gesticulating to ask if everything was alright.

Out loud I said, “Yes, fine thanks. Been having a few problems with the steering wheel, gear stick and handbrake, but it’s all sorted now. Thanks though.”

In my head I said, ‘No everything is NOT alright. I think there’s a very strong possibility that I am quite probably, most likely, absolutely a … NUTTER!’

I have two eyes…

display-1313664_1920Went to optician’s to choose frames for new glasses. There’s a huge flaw in the selection system currently in place. The frames on display are just that – display only.

I carefully picked out a few to try on, obviously removing my current glasses to do so – and what did that mean? Exactly. I couldn’t see. I could see my face, and make out that I was wearing glasses, but that’s as far as it went.

The assistant brought me a magnifying mirror – 3″× 3″. Great. I could now see one eye.

Not very helpful for working out whether or not the frames suited me. I intend to wear them on both eyes…

Not Quite Blind as a Bat

eye-chart-24489_1280Went for eye test; reading with my reading glasses is becoming more and more difficult. Clearly need some stronger ones.

Optician’s assistant went through all pre-test tests: counting white dots on edge of screen, having air fired into my eyes, and (strangely) looking at a brown door on a red, turquoise and green house in the distance. Not sure what that was supposed to test other than my dislike of the jarring colour scheme of the house. I thanked god it was in the distance.

Went in to optician’s room and was told peripheral vision was good, distance vision was fine, veins were fine, no glaucoma and my taste in house décor was spot on. Yes, yes, yes never mind all that. As I’m now on to my third prescription for reading glasses, when will it stop deteriorating and am I actually going blind?

Optician managed to keep a straight face as he explained that by the mid-50s eyesight evens out and comes to a plateau, so yours will do that soon. Soon? Soon? I’m only just bloody 50! Nowhere near mid-50s the cheeky sod…