The scene – Husband in bed, on his back, snoring after his night out…
Me: Sweetheart, please turn onto your side – you’re snoring.
H: Ok (lifts arm above head, continues to snore)
Me: Err love, please turn onto your side – you’re snoring.
H: Ok (turns head to one side, continues to snore)
Me: Sweetheart…you have to actually move…onto your side.
H: Ok (moves legs, continues to snore)
Me: (coughing loudly) SWEETHEART! PLEASE TURN ONTO YOUR SIDE…YOU’RE SNORING!
H: Ok (fidgets, turns onto his side then flops onto his back. Continues to snore)
Me: OY! TURN. ONTO. YOUR. SIDE. YOU. ARE. SNORING!!
H: Stop waking me up…I was asleep! (Continues to snore)
Me: (pushing him really hard) FECKING TURN ONTO YOUR SIDE – YOU’RE TWATTING SNORING!
H: Woah! There’s no need for that…you only had to ask!