Mother Nature really cocked up when she designed our lady bits.
If caught short outside, a man can stand and aim his wee at something the size of a coin; with no more prep needed than unzipping his flies.
A woman – on the other hand – has to:
- squat down with her legs as wide apart as is humanly possible (not easy with your knickers acting as bondage gear round your ankles)
- use one hand to pull said knickers as far forward as they’ll go (while avoiding toppling over and nose-diving into the shrubbery)
- use the other hand to collect in, and bunch up, any wayward clothing (if you have even the slightest inkling that you’ll need to pee ‘al fresco’, for the love of god leave the long winter coat at home)
- wrestle her bag onto her back (to keep it as far away from the action as possible – water marks will NOT come out of leather)
- desperately try to avoid scratching her completely bare arse on any lurking undergrowth (those feckin’ brambles get everywhere)
And yet – even after this HUGE AMOUNT OF PREPARATION – we still manage to pee ALL OVER our shoes!!