I’m NEVER drinking AGAIN! (Until the next time…)

A funny blog post about the midlife hangover, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasI go out for a little drink,
And come back home flushed slightly pink.
I spend the next day ill in bed,
With tummy ache and pounding head!

I stagger round – a shade of green,
Being smirked at by the righteous teen.
Pretending that it’s just a bug,
Whilst clinging to my coffee mug.

Will someone kindly tell me please,
Why drinking brings me to my knees?
And why that now I’m 50 plus,
My body has become a wuss?

This midlife nonsense is a curse,
This new intolerance the worst.
It seems that now I’m middle-aged,
My coping gene has disengaged!

Dry hair, hot flushes, bulging waist,
And in my mouth a funny taste.
I need some respite don’t you think?
FOR GOD’S SAKE LET ME HAVE A DRINK!!

Merry Fa La La-ing Christmas!

In an unscheduled break from my elves, I’ve come over all poetic again!

Sing this out loud to the tune – you know you want to!A funny Christmas poem, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Deck the halls with boughs of holly
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Stressed out mum’s not feeling jolly
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Grumpy teens won’t put their phones down
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Dad’s about to have a meltdown
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Get the cat out of the tree
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Give poor mum a gin – or three
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Aunt Joan’s farting like a trooper
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Dad’s now in a drunken stupor
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Sprouts are soggy, turkey’s chewy
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Gravy’s lumpy, mash is gluey
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Carrots welded to the roaster
Fa la la la la la la la la la!
Who shoved parsnips in the toaster?
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Little Timmy’s nose is pouring
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Bread sauce spilt has ruined the flooring
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Pigs in blankets burnt and crispy
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Cousin Mabel’s found the whiskey
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Christmas pudding’s soaked in brandy
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Toddler’s sick from eating candy
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Uncle Norman’s started swearing
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Can’t believe what Aunt Vi’s wearing
Fa la la la la la la la la!

She’s proclaimed she is a singer
Fa la la la la la la la la!
But she looks more like a swinger
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Grandad’s getting drunk and lairy
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Gran’s false teeth are on the fairy
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Legs being humped by naughty Rover
Fa la la la la la la la la!
Mum’s pretending to be sober
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Looking round at all the faces
Fa la la la la la la la la la!
Loving kisses and embraces
Fa la la la la la la la la!

Family’s what makes Christmas dear
Fa la la la la la la la la!
At SOMEONE ELSE’S please, next year!
FA LA LA LA LAA…. LA LA LA L’AARRGH!!

Not by the hair on my chinny, chin, chin!

Here’s the second poem I’ve written from my poetry challenge. The topic suggested was ‘prickly facial hair’ from Kooky Chic

Enjoy!

A funny poem about body hair, from midlife humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Please tell me why in middle-age
My hairs have reached a bonkers stage?
The ones up top are falling out,
From stranger places they now sprout.

Keep on reading!

Murder on the Dancefloor!

Here’s the first poem I’ve written inspired by my poetry challenge. Someone over on Facebook suggested the idea, ‘Dancing like no-one is looking, then noticing that they ALL are!’

A funny blog post about going out clubbing in middle-age, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas
I went out drinking with a friend,
We both knew how the night would end.
Laughter, fun and raucous dancing,
Stopping life from fast advancing.

Dressed in heels and make-up on,
Our fear and inhibitions gone.
We ate a meal – how civilised,
Excitement only just disguised.

A cocktail first and then one more,
We headed off towards the door.
Towards the club where deep within,
Our fantasy would soon begin.

Keep on reading!

Poetry Challenge!

A blog post asking for poetry topic ideas, from Midlife Dramas in PyjamasSometimes I like to live life on the edge…usually the edge of a family-sized bar of chocolate, a Mojito, a party-sized bag of Walkers Sensations Thai sweet chilli crisps, or a large G&T!

As you’re following my blog you’ll have sussed that I like writing poems. So far I’ve covered: the maxi dress, shampoo, the teenager’s homework, the menopause and incontinence! I’m now trying to think of my next topic, and I suddenly had the idea of asking YOU! Here comes the edge bit…

If you have a suggestion for a poem topic, write it in the comments and I’ll see what I can do.

Over on Facebook they’ve joined in with gusto! Here’s a quick little ditty inspired by the suggestion of ‘menopausal hair’…

There once was a middle-aged lady
Whose hair became wiry and fady.
Out of control
To brush, comb or roll,
She stalked around hatted and shady!

Don’t leave me hanging! If no-one joins in, the only things I’ll be on the edge of are mortification, embarrassment, humiliation and…discombobulation!!

Over to you… 🙂

Dear Bladder…

Dear Bladder... 2

I’d like to take my body back,
Relinquish your control.
To pick the times I want to pee,
Well, that’s my desperate goal.

You seem to choose the worst of times
To make your presence known.
Dancing, sneezing, laughing and
Wet pants will send me home.

Keep on reading!

Oh Menopause, Oh Menopause…

A funny poem about the menopause from the humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

(WARNING: please excuse the F Bomb, I felt it necessary for artistic reasons!)

Oh menopause, oh menopause
You’re here at last – woohoo!
And all the things I’ve heard about
I see you’ve brought them too!

Put your feet up, make a brew
I’m told you’re here to stay.
You’re going to change my life I guess,
Well that’s what people say.

I’ve heard that there are lots of things
I’m going to get to meet.
So tell me all about it then,
Hang on I’ll take a seat.

Keep on reading!

Homework time again…yay!

A funny poem about helping a teen with homework from Midlife Dramas in PyjamasI’ll help you love, you know I will
It’s what I always do.
We both know I’ll be writing it,
With little work from you.
Keep on reading!

Shampoo, why do you lie so much?

A funny poem about shampoo, from Midlife Dramas in PyjamasShampoo why do you lie so much?
What makes you promise me,
That using you will make my hair
The hair I want to see?

You show me lovely images
Of maidens, oh so fair.
You make me think that I can have
Their lovely, flowing hair.

You say you’ll smooth and clarify
Protect, repair and fix.
Relax, hydrate, defend from breaks
And other clever tricks.

You offer volume, body, height
And all things in between.
And obviously my hair will have
A sleek and glossy sheen.

You’ll make my hair more youthful, and
Keep signs of age at bay.
You’ll fix split ends and somehow change
The texture of the grey.

Shampoo for greasy, frizzy, dry
Or flyaway and fine.
Coloured, curly, straight or flat
But which is right for mine?

I choose one and rush home with glee,
Fling back the shower door.
I wash and dry my hair, and yet –
IT’S STILL LIKE BLOODY STRAW!!!