One year ago today I started my blog – two months after my 50th birthday. Call it a midlife crisis if you will; cheaper than buying a sports car and more seemly than running off with the gardener… Keep on reading!
Today the tree man came round to do us a quote. We’ve decided to get rid of a hedge of conifers from the back garden – getting tired of having to pay for a well-trimmed bush on an annual basis.
Doorbell rang and for some reason his arrival took me by surprise. I still had my pyjama top on. With the words ‘love me to the moon and back’ emblazoned across it.
Did I quickly throw on a hoodie? No. Pull on a jumper? No. Grab a coat? No. I simply stepped outside, and spent the whole time talking to him with my arms clamped firmly across my chest.
This was working fine, until I forgot what I was wearing and inadvertently used both hands to gesticulate. Hello boys! I instantly revealed two pert nipples standing to attention in the cool breeze, straining against the word ‘moon’ and helpfully pointing him towards the unruly bushes that needed his attention…
So, today got off to a questionable start. Woke up with craving for toasted teacakes – no I’m not pregnant, alarmingly that was also husband’s first thought. Chose not to ignore craving – which would’ve been wisest course of action. Changed pyjama bottoms for tracksuit bottoms, left pyjama top on, wiped away smudged mascara from under eyes, slipped bare feet into crocks, grabbed a hoodie and drove to the shop. Wore close up glasses instead of distance ones.
Staggered into shop, picked up two packs of teacakes and wandered straight into path of friend’s husband. By time I’d realised who it was I was within speaking distance. Had I worn distance glasses I’d have noticed him early enough to nip down the cold meat aisle and hang out by the salami until he’d left. Instead I had to have a conversation with him whilst going redder and redder at the thought of the state of me.
Why can’t I wake up with the urge for quickie morning sex like other people? Why toasted teacakes?