My five favourite words of the day:
GYM IS CLOSED FOR REFURBISHMENT
No…that’s not me in the picture. If it was, I wouldn’t have to go to the gym in the first place!
And I certainly wouldn’t be jumping around like that – not unless I wanted to pull every muscle in my body, knacker my knees, put my back out, drop my glasses…and bloody wet myself!
Those of you that have been following my blog for a while, will remember my post about the day the camera crew came to the gym. I described in eye-watering detail my gym outfit: a pair of grey, long cotton supermarket shorts; a scruffy, old green t-shirt; black socks and cheap trainers. Nice!
So, decided I should at least look the part at the gym. It’s no good being able to talk the talk, I have to be able to walk the walk as well – and preferably walk that walk in rather nice matching lycra. So here is my new outfit: Keep on reading!
Had been at the gym 10 minutes today when a member of staff came over to tell me that a film crew would be coming in to make a promotional film clip, for You Tube . She then asked if I was ok about being in it. No I chuffing was not!
“Should I leave?” I asked desperately. Keep on reading!
Gym was very frustrating today. Got all sorted – phone, water, earplugs – then shut and padlocked locker. Started to walk away and realised I hadn’t got padlock key. Where was the key? Inside the locker.
Trundled down to reception to explain my predicament. Waited 15 minutes, while the receptionist managed to get hold of the one person in the entire building who’d taken the course on How to Get Into a Padlocked Locker. Woman (Amazon) appeared with huge cutters, and reassured nervous looking receptionist that yes, she had also taken the course on Safe Handling of Huge Cutters. And had all the health and safety certificates to prove it. Did she want to see them? No she didn’t. And neither did I.
We eventually traipsed back up to my locker. The cutters were held in place, I’d been told to stand back (think she was building her part up a bit at this point) and the Amazon braced herself for the crunch. Right on cue the locker door swung open. Turns out I might have padlocked the door but I certainly hadn’t shut the door. Amazon looked at me through pitying eyes.
Ignored the temptation to say, ‘Well clearly you need to run a course on How to Use the Gym Lockers Correctly.’
Instead I watched her departing back, huge cutters swinging, head shaking and knew what she was thinking – and it wasn’t very complimentary about me…
Don’t think I’ve quite got hang of going to the gym regularly yet. Popped along today for another visit.
Membership keycard was clearly on my side – it wouldn’t work and refused to let me into the changing room. Went back down four flights of stairs to reception and got new card. It was in collusion with the first one – it wouldn’t work and refused to let me into the changing room.
Traipsed back down to reception. Changed it again. The cards were clearly trying to tell me something (if only I could stop puffing and panting long enough to hear it) as this one also wouldn’t work, and refused to let me into the changing room.
Stomped back down to reception. Member of staff came up and let me in – damn. Said he’d go back to reception and get it sorted. Got changed and headed to the
torture chamber gym.
Card wouldn’t work and refused to let me into the gym.
Crawled back down to reception. Staff member came up and opened the door to let me in. I looked at him aghast, and resisted urge to laugh out loud – just. Told him I’d done today’s workout walking up and down the stairs, and asked him to let me back into the changing room.
I stretched a bit (reached up to my locker), got changed, texted a friend to see if she was free for coffee and left – exhausted.
Went to gym. A new activity I’ve just started, can’t say it’s a welcome addition to my life. Therefore, I’m in and out within the hour – having timed my activities to perfection. Luckily the machines all come with a TV:
– bike 5mins
– treadmill 20mins – sometimes I have to stay on a bit longer if The Cube hasn’t finished, or if I’m in the middle of texting a friend
– 5 sets of 15 stomach crunches lifting 10lb – I know – unbelievable. Probably not doing it right. Probably meant to actually crunch something rather than just pull weights up and down
– cross trainer 20mins (5mins forward, 5mins backwards and repeat – been known on occasion to have been so engrossed in Homes Under the Hammer I’ve forgotten which way I’m going)
– swift exit – sometimes impeded by membership card refusing to let me out.
Came home, resisting temptation to stop and buy massive bar of chocolate on way. Middle of afternoon felt a bit peckish. Rummaged through kids’ sweet store in top cupboard and found a small bar of chocolate languishing at the back. Decided to liberate it.
Should’ve just bought massive one on way home from gym.