What the ballet hell’s going on here?!

Anyone made a new year resolution? I usually don’t because by Jan 2nd I’ve abandoned them. However, this year I’m going to make one that I’ll keep. I’m going to attempt to improve my body – I kid you not!

I did ballet until I was 18. It’s great for strengthening, stretching and flexibility, so I reckon, why not?!

When I first thought about taking up dance again – at age 54 – I fancied disco or jazz, but there isn’t enough Tena Lady in the world to cope with me leaping about the room with gay abandon. And the word ‘lunge’ is no longer even in my vocabulary, never mind in my feet! In ballet there will be the occasional jete (if I stand at the back I can stick one leg out, slide across the floor and make it appear that I’m actually taking off) and the odd bit of batterie (the feet variety as opposed to the fish n chip variety).

I’ve tested it out and can still do a pirouette – although the cat feared for his life as I went into over-spin and nearly landed in a heap on top of him. Fortunately the Christmas tree’s been put away, otherwise I could’ve ended up as a fat fairy sitting amongst its branches, extricating pine needles from my knickers for the foreseeable future. I can also still stretch my arms above my head, now with the added bonus of warming my ears with my bingo wings.

My search for an industrial strength support leotard, with inbuilt incontinence pants, has begun in earnest. I’ll keep you posted…

There once was a…

I’ve been a bit quiet on here recently because I’m in the middle of a limerick challenge over on my FB page. I asked followers if they’d like to offer their name to be used, and have had nearly 200!! I’m slowly working my way through them, posting one a day!

So I thought I’d share a few with you.

If you have a daft sense of humour, like poetry and aren’t easily offended you’ll like them. If not…just scroll on by lol!

A funny limerick from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasA funny limerick from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasA funny limerick from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasA funny limerick from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasA funny limerick from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasA funny limerick from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasA funny limerick from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Gym Bunny…NOT!

A funny blog ppst abput gping to the gym, from midlife blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasTried the gym again today. Don’t really enjoy it so I’m in and out within the hour; having timed my activities to perfection.

Luckily the machines all come with a Television:

  • bike 5mins – cycling along a pleasant country lane, none of this powering up hills nonsense
  • treadmill 20mins – WALKING…I don’t do running and I don’t do sweating GOOD GOD! Sometimes I have to stay on a bit longer if ‘Lorraine’ hasn’t finished, or if I’m in the middle of texting a friend
  • 5 sets of stomach crunches lifting 10lb. Probably not doing it right. Probably meant to be actually crunching something, rather than just sitting pulling weights up and down – while smiling smugly at everyone else who is running and sweating
  • cross trainer 20mins (5mins forward, 5mins backwards and repeat.) Occasionally I’ve been so engrossed in ‘Homes Under the Hammer’ I’ve forgotten which way I’m going
  • swift exit; sometimes impeded by membership card refusing to let me out.

Not funny!

Came home – resisted temptation to stop and buy a MASSIVE bar of chocolate on the way.

Middle of the afternoon felt a bit peckish. Rummaged through cupboards and found a small bar of cooking chocolate languishing at the back.

Quickly liberated it.

Next time I’ll just buy a massive bar of Galaxy!

I’m in the mood to fumble…

A funny poem about sex from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasJim:
I’m in the mood to fumble, love.
Well how can I refuse?
You make it sound so tempting,
But I can’t disturb my snooze.

What about a quickie then?
Hmm, lovely though that sounds –
I’m off to meet the girls tonight;
It’s quiz night at The Hounds.

Slow and sexy love making?
A big romantic sweep?
Only problem there Jim is,
You always fall asleep!

Well how about a bit of rough,
Laid prone across the table?
Where’s your health and safety Jim?
You know the legs aren’t stable!

I know! We’ll do it in a field,
A bit of love ‘al fresco’.
Good God! I’d rather do it in
The freezer aisle at Tesco!

The car then – snuggled in the back?
Well now you’ve lost the plot!
My menopausal flushes Jim
Will make the car too hot!

The bath? I’ll go and pour it now –
My best idea by miles.
Oh no the water might slosh out
And splash the mosaic tiles!

The shower then? Yes that will work
The cubicle’s too small!
My glasses will get broken with
My face squashed up the wall!

Well shall I go and buy some gear,
Some gadgets and some toys?
The neighbours will complain though Jim,
Those things make too much noise!

Let’s try a new position then
They’re not just for the young.
And risk our brand new mattress Jim?
Don’t think it’s that well sprung!

So how about some role-play games?
I’ll wear a cape and mask.
That’s preferable to last time Jim –
Black stockings and a basque!

Right! Sod it! I’m off to the pub!

All hail the Nana Nap!!

A funny poem aboput needing a nap, from humour blogger Midlife dramas in PyjamasIs it wrong to want a nap
And have a little sleep?
Just a quick one – 40 winks
No time to count damned sheep.

I’ve made it half way through the day
A rest is well deserved.
It helps to charge my batteries
And keep me well preserved.

Keep on reading!

And the sandal search begins…!

A funny blog post about buying sandals from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasAnyone else not look forward to sandal shopping?!

It’s not that I’m fussy but…

Can’t do ‘completely flat’ because of knackered arches from years of ballet.

Can’t do ‘barely there strappy’ because of long knobbly feet which would look more at home on a hobbit.

Can’t do ‘ankle straps’ because they don’t hold my feet in place, plus my heels don’t make for pleasant viewing.

Can’t do ‘sling backs’ because the sling back slings off and I end up walking out of them.

Can’t do flip-flops because the toe thong tickles too much – I have a very low tickle threshold.

Oh, and don’t want a pair that says ‘comfy, middle-aged’ or a pair that says ‘stripper’.

Won’t surprise you to hear that I struggle to find any lol!

Let me know of any of your sandal lows…or highs!

Is this all worth it just to not be short?!

A funny poem about wearing high heels, from midlife humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasWhy do women feel the need to walk on tottering heels?
It’s almost like we hate our feet, or that’s the way it feels.
Our body has a bonkers gait
It’s certainly no longer straight,
I’d rather have those shoes with little wheels!

Keep on reading!

There once was a…

I clearly love and enjoy writing poems, so now I’m trying my hand at limericks. Here’s my first one (friends have already asked if it’s autobiographical…😳 🤣)

A funny limerick about a hangover, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in Pyjamas

Choose Your Knickers Ladies!

A funny poems about women's knickers from humour blogger, Midlife Dramas in PyjamasLet’s talk about our knickers girls,
I really think we should.
We’ll cover all the different types:
The ugly, bad and good.

We’ll start with silly scraps of lace,
That look more like a doyly.
The sort that’s meant to tantalise,
When taken off so slowly.
You know the ones; they itch like mad –
All frilly bits and bows.
Leave them where they do less harm –
In shops, arranged in rows.

Keep on reading!

Are you a hoarder?!

A funny blog post about being a hoarder, from humour blogger Midlife Dramas in PyjamasThe worst hoarder in our house is my hubby. Everything I want to chuck out, he wants to keep…in the garage…just in case.

Just in case what??

Just in case there’s suddenly a national shortage of biscuit tins with damaged lids, empty dried fruit tubs, chunks of polystyrene, dried up tins of paint, bins full of wood and surplus shelf widgets from Ikea furniture??

If there is ever such a shortage, he will most certainly swing into action and save the day.

Until then – chuck it in the @£$%ing bin!!!

Do you live with a hoarder, or are YOU the hoarder?