Give up on the smokey eye, love!

A funny blog post about trying to master make-up, from Midlife Dramas in PyjamasDecided that, as a fully grown adult, I should be able to create a smokey eye when I go out wearing full make up (full make up as opposed to last night’s mascara, smudged eyebrows and a look of apology). On numerous occasions I’ve attempted to get the smokey, sultry look – and failed every time. I invariably end up looking like I should be spending my evening standing on a street corner, propping up a bar scaring innocent young men or draped around a pole – having first tried to stuff my middle-aged muffin top into ridiculously tiny bits of lace.

So, in the supermarket today,  I headed to the make up counters in search of eye shadow. The palette currently residing in my make-up drawer has been there at least 10 years and includes: bright green and blue, a worn out brush, a cracked mirror and the odd cat hair.

I felt that powder eye shadow was probably best; cream tends to congeal in my eyelid creases, point-blank refuses to blend and has been absorbed into my body within an hour of being applied. I fleetingly dabbled with colour tattoo eye make-up a while ago. The problem with this however, is that it won’t come off. Red, watery, puffy eyes is a look I can manage on my own thanks without the aid of a cotton wool pad soaked in industrial strength cleanser and 10 minutes of scrubbing gentle dabbing.

Found a stand with little pots of testers in every colour you could imagine. My eyes lit up. Was drawn to an off-white, sparkly one. Carefully extending my finger I placed it into the pot, ready to test its suitability – only to discover that not only was it not eye shadow but that it was actually body shimmer. And therefore, extremely loose and powdery.

Spent rest of my time in the supermarket with a finger nail full of shimmer, a cascade of it down my coat, rogue specks glinting up at me from the tops of my shoes and a firm resolution to give myself a good talking to and give up on the smokey eye, love!

To brow or not to brow?

A funny blog post about eyebrows, from Midlife Dramas in PyjamasDecided it was time I had some drawn on eyebrows. Stood balefully gazing at pencils wondering if I was a light brown, warm brown, medium brown, dark brown, mid-brown, chestnut, hazel, tawny or chocolate. Bleedin’ Nora!

My hair is medium brown (out of a bottle) but my eyebrows are dark brown shot through with grey – this does not make me look distinguished; it makes me look like an aged badger. Eventually an assistant came over and advised me. I left with a warm brown pencil plus a special sharpener – but laughed at her suggestion of wax to keep said eyebrows in place. I walked away shaking my head and smiling at the youth of today. Did she think I couldn’t look after a pair of eyebrows?!

Got home and immediately filled in my scratty eyebrows. Looked like I was permanently frowning; maybe I’d drawn them too far into the middle – though obviously I’d stopped short of a mono-brow. Not sure if I looked permanently surprised, permanently cross or permanently bewildered. Sucked a cotton bud and tried to make them look less frightening.

Took new eyebrows to the pub. No-one said a word but did get a few quizzical looks. Got home, looked in mirror and realised I’d smudged one right across my forehead.

Obviously the assistant was right –  I’m not ready to be out in public with sole responsibility for a pair of eyebrows!