Went to local pub quiz with the girls – just to reinforce the venue, I did say PUB quiz.
Got there early to stock up on alcohol. Went to bar to order what would be first of several bottles of red wine.
Isn’t that what a pub’s supposed to serve? Wine?
They had two bottles – no, not two bottles behind the bar, and the rest in the cellar – two bottles in the entire pub.
Aghast looks were passed between us. To add insult to injury, one of the bottles we were being offered was half empty. So the reality of the situation was that they had one and a half bottles of red wine – on the entire premises.
I asked how long it had been opened, to which the answer came back, “No idea.” Helpful. “I’d like to taste it please,” I requested.
A glass was produced and a mouthful poured in. Said small amount was tipped into my mouth, registered on my taste buds then promptly spat back out again. Nice vinegar for your chips love, but under no circumstances could that noxious liquid you’re trying to fob us off with be described as red wine.
We ordered g&ts instead, forced down several packets of cheap crisps and came last in the quiz.
We’ve vowed never to set foot in the place again.
So which misinformed, delusional and frankly bonkers person thought that creating this funny little bottle of wine would be a good idea? 187ml? 187ML?? What the hell use is 187ml? That’s just one glass of wine! Who on earth drinks only ONE glass of wine??
Maybe it’s handy for cooking… Ridiculous! I always buy a normal sized bottle for cooking… Use 100ml in the recipe then drink the other 650ml while opening and closing the oven door a few times; for added effect I wear an apron, strut around with a wooden spoon and occasionally shout out words like saute, simmer and stir-fry.
Well it would be rude to leave an unfinished bottle of wine lying around…unfinished bottle of wine?? Seriously?? Is that actually a thing??
So why did I buy this little bottle? Why indeed. In a misplaced, self-righteous moment of trying to be good, healthy and treat my body like a temple *snorts with laughter* I bought it because I only needed a small amount of wine in the cooking…
I’ve now had to open a normal sized bottle because what was left in this funny little thing, after I’d poured some into the frying pan, just wasn’t going to cut it.
Drove home from work yesterday trying to decide whether or not to uncork the wine when I got in.
Opened outside porch door to find inner porch door wide open – am constantly telling sons to close this.
Stood on the post – lost count of how many times have asked sons to pick this up when they come in.
Tripped over cantankerous cat demanding to be fed – both boys horizontal on sofas with I-Pads glued to their hands, impressively ignoring cat’s plaintive cries of hunger (massive headphones clamped over their ears probably helped).
Shouted at them to pick up blazers and bags dumped in the lounge, and take them to their bedrooms.
Demanded to know if they’d got any homework.
Cleared kitchen table still littered with their breakfast debris.
Cleaned up cat sick – yes she doesn’t limit this just to the cat box on car journeys.
Listened to three messages on the answer machine offering me compensation money for that car accident I’d been in, the chance to reclaim mis-sold PPI and a whole set of new double glazed windows.
Easy decision really – wine was opened!